But it also makes me remember all the times where I’ll be describing something and a friend will agree wholeheartedly, and I look at those memories in a different light now, as a time when I was truly understood by anotherindividual and I think that’s quite rare these days. Especially when we do a lot of things through typed words it’s harder to detect tone, sarcasm, anger etc. Which makes it simultaneously safer and more dangerous depending on the situation.Then I got to thinking aboutmy own life and what my biography would be like thus far… I think I’ve had a pretty interesting life, I always think that nothing happens but then I re-read my journals and I’m just like, “W-O-W.” And if there ever was a biographer about me I wonder if they would truly be able to capture my personality? Anecdotes can only do so much because it’s always up for interpretation right? Through the writer’s eyes and the reader’s and I might disagree withall of that. And even just in “real” life how I perceive myself is almost never how others might perceive me.Like yesterday I was bonding with Precillia and we were talking about how at 4 King everyone get headsets and she was saying how she wished our store had them too and I just said “No, I don’t think I could take another voice in my head.” without realizing what I said/how I said it.
“You have voices in your head?!” Precillia asked with a mixture of amusement and confusion.
And she obviously though that I meant the Crazy-Voices telling me to do a chicken dance outside (that never actually happened!!) but what I meant was that I have that inner voice that “reads” words, and the one that I sometimes use to narrate my life or say things in my head before I say them out loud.
So yeah perspective. That’s what it’s all about.
I’ve started The Best of Everything by Rona Jaffe. I first heard of the book through an episode of Mad Men and finally picked it up at the World’s Biggest Book Store (honestly wonder if that is true.) And I’m already falling in love with it. It was written in 1958 so in my mind it’s being read in that really posh sort of voice that all the movie stars had during the golden age of Hollywood and when they actually were stars. It’s sort of lilting-Europoean-ish and exquisitely feminine. Audrey Hepburn had it as did all the other old stars it was sort of warm and all the words sounded like they were being caressed and you just imagine that everyone had amazing breath and they combined breath with speaking in a way that nobody does now. I think the only “modern” actress that still has that voice is Kim Cattrall.
It’s how I wish my voice would sound like. I think I have different voices that I use. I have my “professional” one which I think sounds really smooth and is usually on a higher register, and then I have my “normal” voice which is kind of really high pitched and childish sounding. Then when I’m really comfortable with people I feel like I kind of slip into a really low register.
But anyways, I think this book is on it’s way to becoming one of my “Life Books” (books that have changed my life or made an impact in some way.) I even love the look of it! It’s slightly smaller than most books and the paper is really nice and thin and a nice white that’s slightly tinged with grey. Plus I like the spacing of it, the font is really small but it covers the page really nicely and the margins are perfect. Things like that make me happy in a book haha. Like, Kiss and Tell had that awful yellow-ish rough paper and a really ugly cover but aesthetics aside I still love it.
ANYHOW. I was planning to blog today because when I was going into the subway I suddenly realized that I was back to running down stairs and it struck me really profoundly which might sound really odd but let me explain.
I use to never notice how I would run down the stairs without gripping the railing and I would sometimes jump the last two or three steps and then when I went through that awful time 2008ish and 2010ish I suddenly became paralyzed at the thought of running down the stairs so I had to slowly walk down while gripping the railing.
And only in the past few years or so have I slowly started running down the stairs, gripping the railing and looking determinedly at my feet, to just having my hand hover over the railing, and then finally being able to quickly run down (but still gazing at my feet) so perhaps in a few years I’ll be back to how I was.
I remember telling Amy this a few years back and she was like, “Well you’ve been through a lot lately so maybe it’s just psychological and you don’t want to fall and hurt yourself anymore so you’re being more careful.”
And I was just really grateful for her understanding and not thinking I was a weirdo who obsessed over stairs.
So yes, that was what all that rambling was leading up to and I think it ties into some points made up of paragraphs way, way at the top of this post.
Today's featured image is from Tumblr.