It was all a strange dream that she didn’t want to wake up from but the fact that she knew it was just a dream made it start to recede from her mind. She reached out to hit snooze, tried to burrow deeper into the Philosopher’s cardigan, press her head tighter to his shoulder and if she tried hard enough perhaps this would become a reality.
Was it time that went through the prism of experience and made it clear? Or was it the experience that made it through the prism, and through time made things crystal?
The Romantic kept telling herself that she was lucky to escape her entanglement with the Philosopher with nothing with shattered hopes. Compare that to a broken heart and she had a bargain.
Months simultaneously crawled and flew by. It felt like a year but it was not even close. (Incidentally that seemed to be the theme of their relationship.)
But either time or experience had gone through the prism and now the Romantic only felt … disappointment.
Disappointment that was all she got after months of longing and dreaming. Disappointment that he was not who she had hoped him to be. All she had left were bad rhymes, unanswered questions and song which no longer held their poignancy.
She felt cheated in a way. He was free to continue existing as he was, she as a blip that was already beginning (or already had) faded for him.
But the Philosopher was fading from her life too, the way a wine stain faded after repeated washings and bleachings.
There were whole sections of him that she could no longer recall, feelings he had stirred in her were vague stirrings that took her time to place. Her favourite memory of him was dulling at the edges and harder to bring into focus.
Was that just through time? A bruised heart? Or…? (Dare she think it? Make it real? Forget this dream for good?)
She was slowly coming to acknowledge the fact that to her the Philosopher was 80% fantasy. The 20% of him that she did know (or see) seemed to click (with much forcing) and she had believed that her hopes for him would support his weight.
But you couldn’t exist within a dream forever, it was too frail.
And it was past due for the Romantic to wake up, she was going to be late–for what? She couldn’t be sure but why risk missing it for a dream that was already beginning to disappear?