Part of it is because I have so many secrets that I can’t tell anyone, or even feel comfortable telling anyone. I don’t really mind that because everyone has secrets and I think it’s good to have secrets. They can take everything away from you but they can never take those things you have never told a single soul or wrote down.
I kind of use to romanticize the notion of having that one true friend who you can tell absolutely everything to but I don’t really think that exists. I think you can have a friend/s that you can tell almost everything to and that should be good enough.
And it is.
But sometimes I feel like I’m not understood by my friends or the things I say or feel are easily written off by them. And it’s so frustrating sometimes.
Like it makes me feel like I can’t be really honest or open. I have to compartmentalize my feelings and censor myself.
It kind of feels like a betrayal of trust. I can understand why they might not be able to understand why I’m feeling the way I do but don’t brush it off or tell me that I’m silly you know?
I’m upset let me be upset. I’m trying to share something from my experience and I’m doing what I can don’t talk over me and telling me to do it this way and that and why am I being so difficult about it?
I’m sad and I’m devastated about the way this boy said this thing to me and I don’t know why but don’t dismiss it.
I feel so strongly about this/person and I’m not crazy.
What must it have been like for Laura… to have this all so bottled up inside of her all the time…
I think that’s one of the main reasons I’m so happy to be travelling alone this summer. Away from everyone and how they react. I won’t feel so cowed by their expectations that I can be open and free..