I feel extremely stressed out and on edge today. Which is kind of weird since I had a really nice fancy taco night with Tsering and Janet last night but yes, anxious.
It probably started when I checked my email and saw ANOTHER filler email from Ryerson. And then I checked my account again and everything is still under review. And then I looked at the date and saw that the end of March is upon us all and I’m wondering if I should apply to college as a ~back up~. But the reason I’ve been holding off on it for so long is because I feel that if I do then I’m already kind of admitting defeat but at the same time it’s very logical because there’s a chance I will not get in because my high school grades are shit and my essay was probably shit.
If I don’t get in I know I’ll be devastated. Not because I’m out like 400 dollars for the stupid application but it’s just like I finally know what I want to do and that’s where I want to go and I know I’ll excel there but THEY WON’T LET ME IN.
True I could still just go to Humber and get really good grades and then transfer but I don’t want to be like a 30 year old intern lol. But alas that’s probably what’s going to happen but fuck fuck fuck.
And it’d be so satisfying to just shove that admissions letter in my parents’ faces you know? And be like, “SEE? I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT. I DID IT WITHOUT YOUR HELP AND WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT SO YOU CAN SUCK IT.” Cause if I don’t get in it just pretty much validates their opinion that I’m stupid and “can’t handle school” and if my mom suggests I apply to CDI college one more fucking time…
Also really freaking about the amount of money I’ll have for my trip in August. I mean 1 Canadian dollar is only like 60 cents in Euros. So if I bring like 4000 dollars it’ll only be 2500 euros and will that be enough? It doesn’t seem like it and what if I run out or get stranded and then just klasdjfkasljdf;lkj.
Also doing my fucking hardest to ignore these thirsty ass customers who are straight craning to see what the fuck I’m doing and I honestly can’t stand this couple. Just because they come every week they act all entitled like they deserve to know what I’m doing/what’s going on in my life. I swear their necks have elongated a good 6 inches since we’ve been open. Like one time I picked up a lighter and put it away and he’s suddenly like “Do you smoke? Does your dad still smoke? I see him sometimes it’s very bad.”
aNYWAYS. Stressing about money, stressing about school and I’ve been swearing a lot more lately but ahhhh fuckkkkkkk.
I just want to get into Ryerson for September 2014 and not run out of money in Europe. That’s it. For the year.
I don’t need to win the lottery (unless that’s how I don’t run out of money in Europe lol) or like make my ~goal weight~ or have a million people at my birthday party (holla going roller skating it’s going to be fun~) or buy cute clothes or a new laptop or a million followers  or whatever. Just school. Travel. That’s it.pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.

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