071

I’ve gotten a hold of some new music to listen to lately, some of it is new some of it is old but all of it has been on repeat for the past couple of weeks. I’ve been listening to Iggy Azalea’s The New Classic all week along with some new Lana Del Rey, Angel Haze and Lea Michele’s new album so I’ve been humming an odd mix of tunes this week ha.

The New Classic took a few listens for me to really enjoy it, I’m not quite sure why… I love Iggy Azalea but I was initiatlly disappointed in her album. It really sounded like hiphop/rap by numbers. She really seemed like she put all alot of thought and heart into it but it definitely didn’t come across that way. I guess the songs didn’t feel like any of it related to her… anyone could have sung/rapped them and it would be the same. Some of it is really catchy though. I hope her next album has more heart and story to it.

Lea Michele’s album was really good, it definitely had the heart and story that Iggy’s album lacked. Even though Iggy covered more subject matter it still seemed really shallow compared to Lea’s love songs.

Lana Del Rey officially released “West Coast” about three weeks ago but with Lana you ususally always get new music. That woman has more leaked/stolen songs than anyone I know. I’m okay with this as I lovelovelovelovelovelove Lana Del Rey. I’m pretty sure I have every single one of her songs, from demos to leaks to covers to official releases. My iTunes library says there are over 160 songs… I don’t love ALL of them but a majority of them I do. From her newest releases/leaks I love West Coast, Meet Me in the Pale Moonlight and In the Sun. This is making me excited for Ultraviolence which I hope won’t be her last album… It also makes me bummed because I’m going to miss her concert when she comes 😦

I haven’t listened to any of Angel Haze’s official releases yet… just mainly her covers and she’s crazy good. Her Drunk In Love cover is A++++ as is her Summertime Sadness cover.

These days music is pretty much the only other way I get some kind of human interaction besides work and let’s face it, work is just work. It’s hard to have long conversations on the floor because you’re constantly being interrupted and everyone’s coming and going all the time. I can’t afford to go out with them after anyways and it takes forever to plan something because we have to see who’s working and who’s going to be invited and all that.

euro

Euros I’ve dug up from tips and change deposits around my house.

I know it’ll all be worth it in the end but I’m getting serious anxiety about everything. There doesn’t seem like anywhere I can go to talk about this… kind of regretting making my blog so public now because now I just get that stupid feeling where I feel like I’m bothering everybody and not wanting to impose on others and just lkajflkasjflsk. I hate it when other people do it, I have one friend that does it CONSTANTLY but you know what, fuck it. This is my blog.

Everyone thinks it’s so easy for me to save money because I don’t have rent or other “big” obvious expenses but I have to buy metropasses for my mother and I, I have three phone bills to pay, I have groceries to buy that other people eat, money for my grandmother in Vietnam, plus all these other little things that just pop up suddenly.

Everything is happening all at once and I’m worried I’m not going to get OSAP… I suppose I’m a good candidate for it but I’m not too sure about my credit score… God knows how long the 1500$ from my parents’ education fund is going to take. I’m eating less to make what I do have last longer, and I’m going to start doubling up on shifts to make it to 44 hours at this point. But hey at this point I’ve lost weight so yay?

Seriously considering becoming a virtual sex worker at this point. That’s like 20-40$ per hour more if I do cam but lol no. Can I get a sugar daddy in a month? jkdlfjadslkjf.

I think when I do start school I’ll seriously look into getting one… I know this girl who does photo sets to help pay for school and I respect her for it. Of course there are others that call her a whore but like Samantha Jones said, “Sex is power, money is power. Exchanging sex for money is just an exchange of power.”

The thing that really kills me is that I’ve been doing EVERYTHING right to save money and it’s just a series of circumstances that are seriously defeating the effort. I’ve been trying to avoid social media like mad because it’s just all talk of what everyone’s doing/eating. Which I hear enough of from my friends, thanks guys. Really. (Not.) It’s not like I’m asking you to adapt to my lifestyle change so it’d be great if they could stop holding it against me. You don’t want a low key free-5$ hang out? That’s cool, I’ll see you when I get back.

books

The only good thing that’s coming from this is all the reading I’m getting done. My pile of books to read is shrinking exponentially.

sylviaplath

The only thing that’s really calming me down from all my anxiety is re-reading The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath. I’ve read it so many times it’s nearly falling apart… but her work is so inspirational to me, I love her writing style and in the face of so much rejection and adversity she manages to make something beautiful.

sylviaplath1

It’s always a revelation each time I read it… especially if you ever flicked through my copy there are passages underlined… different highlighters on different passages that I loved at different times for different reasons.

Today is a bad day in a series of bad days but today is the worst of them all. I can’t handle seeing my parents and fighting with them again, I can’t stand staying here and helping them when I know I could be working and getting paid.

I just need reassurance that everything is going to work out.

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