091

I finally transferred all of my Europe trip photos onto my laptop. Somewhere in my drafts I still have all my travel posts from my first jaunt to Europe. This will probably be the 234324th time I’m trying to “revive” my blog so maybe I’ll just slot those in as #tbt posts and then there will be some type of update. Who knows?

School is back in session so my life has been back to school + Starbucks + restaurant.

I regret every moment of travel fatigue I had during my trip. Although by the end of it Janet and I were loathe to go home. We kept starting and stopping as we walked away from the Eiffel Tower because we knew it was going to end the next day.

School + Starbucks is quite  a lot but on top of it all I also have to help out at the restaurant and I’m just like … over it. And I always feel so guilty when I feel like that because this is the way my parents chose to make a living to provide for my brother and I but IDK how to explain it without sounding like a complete brat but oh well, here goes.

My parents have been running independent businesses since I was like… about 12? 13? It started off with variety stores (that they only got into because Grandma was living with us and she was bored. And I feel bad about always laser focused remembrance ever since she died.) And now we’ve had the restaurants for the past 5 years or so. Anyways ever since they had that first store I have had to devote any free time I may have to whatever business we were currently running. At first the novelty of it was really fun because ~ooh I have a store!!! But that quickly wore off. Every day after school I’d be expected to go there. All school vacations I had to spend all day there. All weekends I had to spend my days there. And there wasn’t much to do. I couldn’t leave, my parents didn’t believe in cable so there was no TV to watch. They also didn’t believe in spending money on high speed internet so we had to rely on dial up which would frequently get disconnected because people wanted to use the debit machine, or fax, or a phone call whatever. Going through my ~angstiest teen years while being cooped up like that, having to turn down invitations from friends to hang out because I had to “watch the store” or only being able to go out for so long because I had to “watch the store”.

Watch the store. Work at the store. Help the store.

I don’t think I’ve ever hated three phrases more in my whole life. Owning your own business means you always have to put more than you get. So my parents were always stressed and on edge so we are always feuding. And when they get down in the dumps they REALLY get down and then it’s up to me to try to ~inspire and ~uplift them again. It’s so tiring.

It’s not even that I want to constantly be able to go out with my friends (the option to would be nice though, tbh.) It’s just working all the time at Starbucks and doing all my schoolwork I would just like at least a day for myself you know? The only “free” day I kind of have is the day where I have to do all the laundry, clean the apartment, grocery shop and make my food for the week.

I’ve met a few other kids who’s parents own restaurants or stores and I always wonder how do they get out of helping them all the time? Like did your parents say that you’re free to go? Or did they ask you and you said no? Are there other kids out there who feel frustrated and guilty and angry?

Like I get it, my parents work so hard and I see that and I appreciate it but sometimes I wish they could have just kept their salaried jobs.

And here I am, back to feeling like utter shit.

Today's featured image is by Tony Katai from his series VYBZ.
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One thought on “091

  1. i feel like it’s a thing with asian parents. if they’re not the type to be on your ass about becoming doctors, they’re the type that want you to help out at the family business for ever and ever and ever. i think vietnamese ppl are more of the latter type than the former tbh

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